Double Touch

Will the force be unleashed? No really... will it? Can SW:TFU actually match the dizzy levels of Jedi Knight?

I'm not so sure.

After the latest in a long string of "our game is ace" PR stunts from the TFU development team; including two gentlemen who have the (cough) esteemed title of "Head of Q & A", my initial cynical optimism has descended into just plain cynicism. Why? Physics.

All the development team have talked about and shown us is ruddy physics!

My cynicism I will now argue is well founded also. I'm tired of physics you see and no more so than in TFU. I'm tired of that great wow factor that adorns thousands of game boxes; I'm tired of it ruining games. An imaginary example for instance:

Game Title: Captain Physix: The Return of Physixor!

Blurb: In the latest EPIC production from John Romero's MONUMENTAL PRODUCTIONS the limits of FREEDOM and IMMERSION will be tested to the EXTREME... THE PHYSICS EXTREME! Throw stuff into stuff! Why? Because you can! WOOO! Throw people into stuff! Throw yourself into stuff! Shoot things... maybe the evil Physixor's minions! WOOO! Use the latest NEXT GENERATION TECHNOLOGY in HIGH DEFINITION to experience a new FIDELITY in PHYSICS led, GENRE BENDING GAMEPLAY!!! Now with the new QUANTOMION PHYSXIXIXIX ENGINE the IMPOSSIBLE just became POSSIBLE!!!!

Picture: (Freeze frame of and FMV video from the game, completely modified and touched up in photshop - the picture shows one shot with every single thing on screen either blowing up or flying through the air.)

Cost: £60

Quote on box: "...the best game we have ever seen..." - PCGAMER



Ok and now the subtext:

Game Title: This is meaningless woffle. I'm stereotypical and cliched.

Blurb: We spent so much money on the buggy, work on one machine engine, we had nothing left to actually make a game. We thought we might be able to spend a fiver on the narrative but John spent it on a really big piece of cheesecake. This game is broken beyond belief!!!

Picture: Ha ha ha! We tricked you real good didn't we! It doesn't look like that even on our £10000 dream machine!!!

Cost: 60 quid!!! You idiot!

Quote on box: Actual quote: "This is so far from the best game we have ever seen we had to stick pins in our eyes to make sure we weren't having a nightmare." - PCGAMER



While of course the latter piece of fancy is far fetched, these are the problems that this new fad with physics is causing. A fad one believes that will heavily jeopardise SW:TFU. Unfortunately the problems aforementioned are only for us the consumer as, unsurprisingly, physics sells games; even it is selling the soul of the industry with it.


I'm tired.